she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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