he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
