life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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