i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
