Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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