Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
