"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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