she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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