My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
