Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
