I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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