please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
