I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
