If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
