You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
