I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
