I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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