I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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