I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
