Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
