Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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