he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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