can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sober January is a disaster.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
