Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
