you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
farters have to be the big spoon...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
ok first of all what the fuck
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
