Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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