I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
