You're my little dorito
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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