Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
