my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
