I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
