he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
wow bdsm is so cute
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
