I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
