I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
