So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
