she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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