I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
