So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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