Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
