While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
