he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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