woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
