some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm at about main and main street
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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