hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
