May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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