I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
