u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
