Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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