Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
