Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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