did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
