I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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