i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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