Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My penis needs a shock collar
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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