he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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