If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
