Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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