i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
