Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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