i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
